Last week Brother Williams had his wife come in so that they could both speak with us about remarriage and blending families. I am so grateful she was willing to do that. I love that Brother Williams could have personal experience with this so that he could really teach us from knowledge, not just a textbook. Although I am quite positive it was not an easy thing to transition to for them, they truly seem to be on the furthest side of the 'positive' end of the scale. Theirs was truly a great example to see in action.
We started mapping out families a couple days before Sister Williams came to class. We started talking about all invovled when a divorce happens and how others might be shut out, or be too close, feel unwanted, feel torn, etc...it pretty much was a big mess of scribbles on the board by the end. One girl said out loud, "My head hurts." We all laughed in class. But then Brother Williams said over us laughing, "My heart hurts." I remember feeling very solemn inside when he said that. It literally was like I felt a weight come over me when he said those words. It was very powerful. I knew that he personally understood some of the difficulties of what he was teaching and so it was very humbling to listen to him so tenderly and sincerely say, "My heart hurts."
I hope that I can do my very best to not only better myself, but also in remembering to lift those in my family and support everyone, no matter if I am married once or twice, have children, step children or adopted children. I want my family to be close and always know that I love them. And I surely hope that I am never the reason behind the hurt in anyone's heart.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
parenting...
Last semester I took a parenting class taught by Brother Williams and love it! I know that I only learned a small portion, especially considering that I am not even married and therefore do not have any children, but I loved learning about it, nonetheless. I was exciting for this portion of the class and loved revisiting the topics covered in parenting.
One thing that I liked from the very beginning when I learned about parenting is the suggestion that you should discuss consequences with your children - have them help you come up with ideas. Also, remember to keep consequences connected and relative to the situation. I really do believe that this helps children learn, grown and understand life so much better. I think it helps them understand people and feelings, too.
Another thing that I really appreciate is the teaching of being respectful to your children. I know that so many people who are parents can be so disrespectful to their children in so many ways. From people I've known and things I've learned, things never turn out positively when this is the case. Children are human beings, and we all were children once - I believe every child deserves to be respected. I know that at times it could be hard to keep my temper down or to not blow up when something goes wrong from a choice my child makes, but I know in the end that that quick snap to a negative behavior on my part will most likely result in a negative reaction or behavior on their part. I believe that so much can be changed, in a positive or negative way, based upon your reaction to situations, and as a parent, this can be such an influence for good if intentially done consistantly.
One thing that I liked from the very beginning when I learned about parenting is the suggestion that you should discuss consequences with your children - have them help you come up with ideas. Also, remember to keep consequences connected and relative to the situation. I really do believe that this helps children learn, grown and understand life so much better. I think it helps them understand people and feelings, too.
Another thing that I really appreciate is the teaching of being respectful to your children. I know that so many people who are parents can be so disrespectful to their children in so many ways. From people I've known and things I've learned, things never turn out positively when this is the case. Children are human beings, and we all were children once - I believe every child deserves to be respected. I know that at times it could be hard to keep my temper down or to not blow up when something goes wrong from a choice my child makes, but I know in the end that that quick snap to a negative behavior on my part will most likely result in a negative reaction or behavior on their part. I believe that so much can be changed, in a positive or negative way, based upon your reaction to situations, and as a parent, this can be such an influence for good if intentially done consistantly.
Fathers and Future
Later in class we started to discuss father involvement and how it affects children in the present and also, in their futures. We were assigned to write a paper on research we found and also personal experiences, as well as personal goals for our own family of creation.
I was a bit overwhelmed with the research that I found related to this subject. I felt I had gone in assuming and expecting certain things and, although I found them, I was surprised at other information that I learned about from studies and other reports done regarding father involvement.
I learned that at times fathers can have more of an impact and influence on a child than a mother can. This was not what I was expecting to read, but as I kept on reading I came to see and understand more and more how this could be true. I have known some people who have not had relationships with their fathers whatsoever and they have shared with me the difficulty it has helped to create in their lives.
After studying about this topic and writing a paper, as well, I came to feel very strongly about father involvement. It wasn't so much that I had never felt strongly about it before, but this time it was even more. I really do want to make sure that I support my husband and love him so that our children can see that we work together. I also want to support and encourage him to get to know each of our children individually so that they can have that great, close relationship with him, and he with them. I know that being able to rely on your father is such a great blessing and influence in your life.
I was a bit overwhelmed with the research that I found related to this subject. I felt I had gone in assuming and expecting certain things and, although I found them, I was surprised at other information that I learned about from studies and other reports done regarding father involvement.
I learned that at times fathers can have more of an impact and influence on a child than a mother can. This was not what I was expecting to read, but as I kept on reading I came to see and understand more and more how this could be true. I have known some people who have not had relationships with their fathers whatsoever and they have shared with me the difficulty it has helped to create in their lives.
After studying about this topic and writing a paper, as well, I came to feel very strongly about father involvement. It wasn't so much that I had never felt strongly about it before, but this time it was even more. I really do want to make sure that I support my husband and love him so that our children can see that we work together. I also want to support and encourage him to get to know each of our children individually so that they can have that great, close relationship with him, and he with them. I know that being able to rely on your father is such a great blessing and influence in your life.
well howdy
From the looks of this blog and the date on the last post...it sure does look like I took a vacation. But I'm finally back and ready to tackle all of the things we covered in class since then.
I remember we discussed counseling in class one week and that really interested me. We even started talking about how the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles counsel weekly and how that process goes about. They all have a chance to share their thoughts, feelings and insights. I thought about this for a couple days and realized how truly inspired that process is; to go around and each have an opportunity to speak and share. One doesn't necessarily rule over another, or all others, but they wait until they all have confirmed to them the will of God. It is a calm time, not one where people are yelling, pounding their fists on the table or name-calling.
And then I started thinking: how amazing would that be to be able to discuss things within a family in a similar fashion? How much more could be communicated and understood? How much would it assist in bringing a family closer together if they met weekly and not only met when disagreements or confusions arose, or when a trip was coming up, but regularly, often. How would it be to discuss things going on in each child's life and what they would like to do as a family, or how the family could help one individual in the family, or even someone outside of the family? As I continued thinking I could feel that what we were learning about was important and therefore something that I truly want to incorporate into my own family one day.
I remember we discussed counseling in class one week and that really interested me. We even started talking about how the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles counsel weekly and how that process goes about. They all have a chance to share their thoughts, feelings and insights. I thought about this for a couple days and realized how truly inspired that process is; to go around and each have an opportunity to speak and share. One doesn't necessarily rule over another, or all others, but they wait until they all have confirmed to them the will of God. It is a calm time, not one where people are yelling, pounding their fists on the table or name-calling.
And then I started thinking: how amazing would that be to be able to discuss things within a family in a similar fashion? How much more could be communicated and understood? How much would it assist in bringing a family closer together if they met weekly and not only met when disagreements or confusions arose, or when a trip was coming up, but regularly, often. How would it be to discuss things going on in each child's life and what they would like to do as a family, or how the family could help one individual in the family, or even someone outside of the family? As I continued thinking I could feel that what we were learning about was important and therefore something that I truly want to incorporate into my own family one day.
Friday, November 11, 2011
family and crises
This past week we have been discussing families and crises; how they define them, cope with them, and ultimately how they let them be effected by them.
After all of our discussions and all the reading, I feel like I have personally come to understand how the Atonement also heals. It can bring that true healing that can come only through the Spirit. The Savior had to endure those pains and afflictions so that He would know how to succor His people (Alma 7:12).
I believe that to be healed we have to choose. We have to choose to look at things differently and have full faith and trust that through the Atonement we can be healed. It may not come all at once or quickly, but with faith and patience, it will come.
Talking about all of this made me think of others who suffer without the knowledge of the healing ability the Atonement provides. What about them? How do they cope and manage and hopefully, grow?
We read several accounts, talked about different experiences that we ourselves have had, as well as read about statistics regarding family crises. It really made me aware of how many people do not cope with crises well or positively. This thought really hit me hard thinking of all the sadness those people must endure because of their lack of knowledge and resources on how to manage the stress from the event well.
Once again, for me, this reaffirmed that the family is central to the Lord's plan - it is for our happiness. We need families, we need traditions, we need closeness to each other, we need communication, we need respect, we need each other. I know that life comes with difficult times and trials, but with family, we can overcome these times and feel grateful for them, even, if we allow ourselves to use the Atonement and make sure that we are constantly striving to bring our families closer by doing all that we can in our power to conduct our families in the ways that the Lord has revealed. By doing so, I know that we will not only be brought closer to one another, but the Heavenly Father and His Son.
After all of our discussions and all the reading, I feel like I have personally come to understand how the Atonement also heals. It can bring that true healing that can come only through the Spirit. The Savior had to endure those pains and afflictions so that He would know how to succor His people (Alma 7:12).
I believe that to be healed we have to choose. We have to choose to look at things differently and have full faith and trust that through the Atonement we can be healed. It may not come all at once or quickly, but with faith and patience, it will come.
Talking about all of this made me think of others who suffer without the knowledge of the healing ability the Atonement provides. What about them? How do they cope and manage and hopefully, grow?
We read several accounts, talked about different experiences that we ourselves have had, as well as read about statistics regarding family crises. It really made me aware of how many people do not cope with crises well or positively. This thought really hit me hard thinking of all the sadness those people must endure because of their lack of knowledge and resources on how to manage the stress from the event well.
Once again, for me, this reaffirmed that the family is central to the Lord's plan - it is for our happiness. We need families, we need traditions, we need closeness to each other, we need communication, we need respect, we need each other. I know that life comes with difficult times and trials, but with family, we can overcome these times and feel grateful for them, even, if we allow ourselves to use the Atonement and make sure that we are constantly striving to bring our families closer by doing all that we can in our power to conduct our families in the ways that the Lord has revealed. By doing so, I know that we will not only be brought closer to one another, but the Heavenly Father and His Son.
Friday, November 4, 2011
the talk...ya, that one.
This week in class we have been discussing sexual intimacy. I actually really quite enjoy having these types of discussions here at BYU-Idaho because it is always done witht the Spirit, and therefore with reverency, sacredness and respect.
One thing that always gets me thinking is when we talk about children learning and understanding sexual intimacy and relations. Our teacher had us write down what we would like our children to know specifically at certain ages throughout their lifetime regarding this topic. It was a bit difficult, I have to admit, to think of what exactly I would teach a 4 year old, 7 year old, 10, 13, 16, and 19 year old, but all in all, I think it was a really great idea to have us do this and I actually want to really come up with a more solid idea over the next little while.
My teacher brought up to the class the different issues being raised in other states about informing and teaching children about sex and topics within that - some (er...most ) that I find to be completely outrageous and unnecessary. This definitely made me stop and think about homeschooling my own children that I will have one day. I have thought about this before, but the more and more I learn about what people are trying to pass to be taught in school (hmm, I don't believe 'taught' is the right word...to me teaching implies edifying and uplifting...not degrading and disrespecting not only others, but oneself...), the more I learn towards homeschooling my children for part of their lives.
Why is it that these things are being passed by, let alone being brought up? I get that the world is slowing degrading and demoralizing itself, but at this rate...
All of this and more truly makes me realize even to a greater extent that the family truly is an important factor in life. It is a unit that is needed, desired, yet being wasted, if not already forgotten. I always feel more of an intensifying desire and fire inside me to make sure I'm steadily and surely grounded in a strong foundation when discussing and researching statistics in the world at this time.
My wrap-up-thoughts:
Just because children can be taught certain things and seem to understand them does not mean that they should be. This can be directed towards peers, leaders, teachers and parents, alike.
One thing that always gets me thinking is when we talk about children learning and understanding sexual intimacy and relations. Our teacher had us write down what we would like our children to know specifically at certain ages throughout their lifetime regarding this topic. It was a bit difficult, I have to admit, to think of what exactly I would teach a 4 year old, 7 year old, 10, 13, 16, and 19 year old, but all in all, I think it was a really great idea to have us do this and I actually want to really come up with a more solid idea over the next little while.
My teacher brought up to the class the different issues being raised in other states about informing and teaching children about sex and topics within that - some (er...most ) that I find to be completely outrageous and unnecessary. This definitely made me stop and think about homeschooling my own children that I will have one day. I have thought about this before, but the more and more I learn about what people are trying to pass to be taught in school (hmm, I don't believe 'taught' is the right word...to me teaching implies edifying and uplifting...not degrading and disrespecting not only others, but oneself...), the more I learn towards homeschooling my children for part of their lives.
Why is it that these things are being passed by, let alone being brought up? I get that the world is slowing degrading and demoralizing itself, but at this rate...
All of this and more truly makes me realize even to a greater extent that the family truly is an important factor in life. It is a unit that is needed, desired, yet being wasted, if not already forgotten. I always feel more of an intensifying desire and fire inside me to make sure I'm steadily and surely grounded in a strong foundation when discussing and researching statistics in the world at this time.
My wrap-up-thoughts:
Just because children can be taught certain things and seem to understand them does not mean that they should be. This can be directed towards peers, leaders, teachers and parents, alike.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
important 1st lessons for newlyweds
The other day in class we discussed important things to learn about and be aware of when you are newly married. One thing that my professor brought up that really struck a chord with me was about how you and your new spouse would go about solving problems and dealing with disagreements. He brought up the following scriptures:
Ephesians 6:12
"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."
D&C 121:43
"Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;
"That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death."
I loved both of these scriptures. My teacher talked about the one in Ephesians and how it can be directed towards couples; we are literally engaged in a war against the evil things of this world brought on by the Adversary. We should not work against one another, but work together to fight and ultimately conquer this force for evil. I think that this is a great reminder of what we are really here to accomplish and prove to ourselves and our Heavenly Father.
The scripture in D&C was great as well. My teacher discussed it in length. He said that betimes means 'seasonally', not often. Also, the word sharpness has been talked about by Elder Groberg to mean "with strategic precision". I loved that! It doesn't mean sharpness of tongue and attitude or words. No, it means with exactness. Not overstepping any bounds and having your corrective measures leak over into other parts of that person's life.
I think that these things had a great impact on me not only because I definitely could improve on them and make sure to really see that I speak kindly to others at all times, never allowing a negative thought to come to my mind or be shared with others, but to always speak in an uplifting way of all. I also know that I was prompted to make this a lifelong goal of mine so that I can never hurt someone else. I know that learning to create this habit now will help me to become this way and be this type of person throughout my life.
Ephesians 6:12
"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."
D&C 121:43
"Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;
"That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death."
I loved both of these scriptures. My teacher talked about the one in Ephesians and how it can be directed towards couples; we are literally engaged in a war against the evil things of this world brought on by the Adversary. We should not work against one another, but work together to fight and ultimately conquer this force for evil. I think that this is a great reminder of what we are really here to accomplish and prove to ourselves and our Heavenly Father.
The scripture in D&C was great as well. My teacher discussed it in length. He said that betimes means 'seasonally', not often. Also, the word sharpness has been talked about by Elder Groberg to mean "with strategic precision". I loved that! It doesn't mean sharpness of tongue and attitude or words. No, it means with exactness. Not overstepping any bounds and having your corrective measures leak over into other parts of that person's life.
I think that these things had a great impact on me not only because I definitely could improve on them and make sure to really see that I speak kindly to others at all times, never allowing a negative thought to come to my mind or be shared with others, but to always speak in an uplifting way of all. I also know that I was prompted to make this a lifelong goal of mine so that I can never hurt someone else. I know that learning to create this habit now will help me to become this way and be this type of person throughout my life.
what makes a wedding GREAT?
A great wedding. What parts of the wedding make it great? While I was thinking of what would make my wedding great I thought of the following:
::: temple
::: family
::: friends
::: formal invitations
::: low cost
::: planning the wedding together with my fiance
::: careful about my expectations - don't make them too much or too extravagant, don't distract from the real importance of that day: being sealed to my husband
What things would be important to you to make your wedding great (or what things were important and made that day great)?
::: temple
::: family
::: friends
::: formal invitations
::: low cost
::: planning the wedding together with my fiance
::: careful about my expectations - don't make them too much or too extravagant, don't distract from the real importance of that day: being sealed to my husband
What things would be important to you to make your wedding great (or what things were important and made that day great)?
Saturday, October 22, 2011
~<>~<>~ first comes love, then comes marriage ~<>~<>~
...but what is love?
how do you define it?
Is it merely attraction? Being able to communicate well? Having fun together? Numerous common or similar interests? Caring for another?
As we had this discussion in class, it was interesting to see that sometimes love can be a difficult thing to describe. there are 4 different kinds of love:
eros
intimate/romantic love, sexual intimacy
agape
interest in one's well being, even without knowing them
philia
brotherly love
storge
familial love, parents <----> children, sibling <---->sibling
I guess after discussing this topic in class I had somewhat forgotten about how there are different types of love. It made me think about how the world views love and how I view love.
My teacher also asked us if we wanted a more companionate or passionate love. I definitely would have to say companionate. What a firm foundation that is! To truly know someone and for them to know you is a beautiful thing, to me. A quote I found on a coworker's wall describes love, to me, very well:
"True love 'beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, edureth all things'...That is ultimately a description of Christ's love - He is the great example of one who bore and believed and hoped and endured. We are invited to do the same in our courtship and in our marriage to the best of our ability. Bear up and be strong. Be hopeful and believing. Some things in life we have little or no control over. These have to be endured. Some disappointments have to be lived with in love and in marriage. These are not things anyone wants in life, but sometimes they come. And when they come, we have to bear them; we have to believe; we have to hope for an end to such sorrows and difficulty; we have to endure until things come right in the end. One of the great purposes of true love is to help each other in these times. No one ought to have to face such trials alone. We can endure almost anything if we have someone at our side who truly loves us, who is easing the burden and lightening the load."
I hope that I can not only find someone who possesses this desire and ability, but I hope that I can work even harder to become this person. What a blessing it is to love and be loved!
how do you define it?
Is it merely attraction? Being able to communicate well? Having fun together? Numerous common or similar interests? Caring for another?
As we had this discussion in class, it was interesting to see that sometimes love can be a difficult thing to describe. there are 4 different kinds of love:
eros
intimate/romantic love, sexual intimacy
agape
interest in one's well being, even without knowing them
philia
brotherly love
storge
familial love, parents <----> children, sibling <---->sibling
I guess after discussing this topic in class I had somewhat forgotten about how there are different types of love. It made me think about how the world views love and how I view love.
My teacher also asked us if we wanted a more companionate or passionate love. I definitely would have to say companionate. What a firm foundation that is! To truly know someone and for them to know you is a beautiful thing, to me. A quote I found on a coworker's wall describes love, to me, very well:
"True love 'beareth all things, believeth all things, hopeth all things, edureth all things'...That is ultimately a description of Christ's love - He is the great example of one who bore and believed and hoped and endured. We are invited to do the same in our courtship and in our marriage to the best of our ability. Bear up and be strong. Be hopeful and believing. Some things in life we have little or no control over. These have to be endured. Some disappointments have to be lived with in love and in marriage. These are not things anyone wants in life, but sometimes they come. And when they come, we have to bear them; we have to believe; we have to hope for an end to such sorrows and difficulty; we have to endure until things come right in the end. One of the great purposes of true love is to help each other in these times. No one ought to have to face such trials alone. We can endure almost anything if we have someone at our side who truly loves us, who is easing the burden and lightening the load."
I hope that I can not only find someone who possesses this desire and ability, but I hope that I can work even harder to become this person. What a blessing it is to love and be loved!
Monday, October 10, 2011
gender differences
As stated on my last post, gender is and always has existed. Men are men and women are women. There are particular characteristic differences. There are different roles we play in this life. It is my belief that Heavenly Father has particular roles for us to play during this earthly life, and after in the eternities, based on gender. We are both equal in His sight, but have differences which must be honored, appreciated, and therefore acknowledged and respected. Trying to change these differences would be trying to change the ways of forever; the ways of God.
We were assigned, as a class, to watch a video clip today on gender differences. It included numerous sides and positions taken on this topic. Many were adamant about their stance. One woman talked about how we need to raise our boys like we raise our girls. Our teacher brought this statement up in class and it started a good discussion. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh anyway...I believe what I believe. We each have our own gifts and talents and they are not limited, but we do have certain, specific tasks, roles and characteristics firmly planted and rooted in our very beings, in our very spirits. This cannot be changed and never will be.
sidenote: it's strange to start thinking about the 'why' behind all of this. Why do some people who feel they have the tenancies to be attracted to the same sex, or that they should have exact equal rights as another...why do they want to change things that have been so fundamentally distilled for such a long time? Is it pride? Is it that they aren't accepted? Is it because they aren't pleased with themselves for whatever reason or another? Why do people feel such an urge and desire to push so strongly against something that, until the last few years (give or take 10 or 20) has not been argued about so much? Sometimes...this makes my mind start to...bOgGlE.
We were assigned, as a class, to watch a video clip today on gender differences. It included numerous sides and positions taken on this topic. Many were adamant about their stance. One woman talked about how we need to raise our boys like we raise our girls. Our teacher brought this statement up in class and it started a good discussion. What are your thoughts on this?
Oh anyway...I believe what I believe. We each have our own gifts and talents and they are not limited, but we do have certain, specific tasks, roles and characteristics firmly planted and rooted in our very beings, in our very spirits. This cannot be changed and never will be.
sidenote: it's strange to start thinking about the 'why' behind all of this. Why do some people who feel they have the tenancies to be attracted to the same sex, or that they should have exact equal rights as another...why do they want to change things that have been so fundamentally distilled for such a long time? Is it pride? Is it that they aren't accepted? Is it because they aren't pleased with themselves for whatever reason or another? Why do people feel such an urge and desire to push so strongly against something that, until the last few years (give or take 10 or 20) has not been argued about so much? Sometimes...this makes my mind start to...bOgGlE.
reasons why
My professor had us watch a video clip of himself and another professor here at the university discussing homosexuality. I actually found this video very interesting.
Many things pointed back to how one was treated by others, sometimes starting with simple differences in qualities or characteristics (sensitivity, creativity, etc.), that aren't considered 'manly'. This may cause doubts in oneself and questions as to whether or not they are homosexual.
One thing mentioned that I really appreciated was about such men who contain such qualities - another person who contains similar qualities is Jesus Christ. These are still great men who can do great things! Just because they don't enjoy always destroying things, playing with trucks when they are children, going hunting, or whatever, does NOT mean that they are gay.
Another thing of importance that was noticed was that of the influence of a father. Sons need the influence of their father.
And the last thing that I wanted to take note of and share was when my professor said that he had heard someone (a professional) state "For every...gay [male couple], there are 2 women who will never have the opportunity to be married and have children in this world." This really made me pause and think, as he then said as well, about how much the Adversary is working against the family, and for me, especially against women (I am not saying that there is not work against men, but I'm a woman and therefore can take this stance a bit more firmly, so please just take it as it is). I think of women; women are characteristically sensitive, kind, gentle, soft-spoken, etc. Women have been entrusted with the ability to give birth to Heavenly Father's children. When the opportunity to be married, or even simply date, does not present itself (whether because of lack of dating, continual 'bad timing', bad experiences, etc), I truly believe that the Adversary whisks on in and attacks a woman's mind; the Adversary slips in little thoughts such as, "I guess I'm not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough..." and on and on. Perhaps she starts to think that she is not desirable at all. If she is not good enough in one way or another, and marriage in the temple is of most priority in this life to us as Latter-day Saints, than she must be doing something wrong, or be worthless, or not have the right qualities to attract a righteous man. She can be trying all she can to be worthy of a righteous man and to be sealed in the House of the Lord, but when nothing comes, or when attempts to date fail, doubt is quick to arise in so many women. I have had far too many friends of mine (female) call me up during stressful, low times of their life related to lack of dating. The reasons expressed are always the same: not pretty enough, not smart enough, too talkative, not talkative enough...worthless compared to others.
What effort Satan puts into women feeling degraded, worthless, unimportant, not capable of doing great things, etc...all to stop effort on family. Eternal family. A family with numerous children of God with innumerable potential!!! Women, and men alike, truly are daughters and sons of God. A perfect being, which we have the potential to become like. Don't let yourself give way to the easiness of the self-depreciating thoughts from the Adversary. Remember that you are of great worth, male or female, and can do much. Don't allow lack of dating cause you to think you are something you are not. If you feel you have slipped that way, don't beat yourself up more - that is only what the Adversary would want. Believe and know that you can become better and change through the help of the Atonement.
What a wonderful gift the Atonement is; to learn, to grow, to change.
I know that gender was and always has existed for eons and eons and will never change.
Many things pointed back to how one was treated by others, sometimes starting with simple differences in qualities or characteristics (sensitivity, creativity, etc.), that aren't considered 'manly'. This may cause doubts in oneself and questions as to whether or not they are homosexual.
One thing mentioned that I really appreciated was about such men who contain such qualities - another person who contains similar qualities is Jesus Christ. These are still great men who can do great things! Just because they don't enjoy always destroying things, playing with trucks when they are children, going hunting, or whatever, does NOT mean that they are gay.
Another thing of importance that was noticed was that of the influence of a father. Sons need the influence of their father.
And the last thing that I wanted to take note of and share was when my professor said that he had heard someone (a professional) state "For every...gay [male couple], there are 2 women who will never have the opportunity to be married and have children in this world." This really made me pause and think, as he then said as well, about how much the Adversary is working against the family, and for me, especially against women (I am not saying that there is not work against men, but I'm a woman and therefore can take this stance a bit more firmly, so please just take it as it is). I think of women; women are characteristically sensitive, kind, gentle, soft-spoken, etc. Women have been entrusted with the ability to give birth to Heavenly Father's children. When the opportunity to be married, or even simply date, does not present itself (whether because of lack of dating, continual 'bad timing', bad experiences, etc), I truly believe that the Adversary whisks on in and attacks a woman's mind; the Adversary slips in little thoughts such as, "I guess I'm not good enough, pretty enough, smart enough, funny enough..." and on and on. Perhaps she starts to think that she is not desirable at all. If she is not good enough in one way or another, and marriage in the temple is of most priority in this life to us as Latter-day Saints, than she must be doing something wrong, or be worthless, or not have the right qualities to attract a righteous man. She can be trying all she can to be worthy of a righteous man and to be sealed in the House of the Lord, but when nothing comes, or when attempts to date fail, doubt is quick to arise in so many women. I have had far too many friends of mine (female) call me up during stressful, low times of their life related to lack of dating. The reasons expressed are always the same: not pretty enough, not smart enough, too talkative, not talkative enough...worthless compared to others.
What effort Satan puts into women feeling degraded, worthless, unimportant, not capable of doing great things, etc...all to stop effort on family. Eternal family. A family with numerous children of God with innumerable potential!!! Women, and men alike, truly are daughters and sons of God. A perfect being, which we have the potential to become like. Don't let yourself give way to the easiness of the self-depreciating thoughts from the Adversary. Remember that you are of great worth, male or female, and can do much. Don't allow lack of dating cause you to think you are something you are not. If you feel you have slipped that way, don't beat yourself up more - that is only what the Adversary would want. Believe and know that you can become better and change through the help of the Atonement.
What a wonderful gift the Atonement is; to learn, to grow, to change.
I know that gender was and always has existed for eons and eons and will never change.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
p.s.
Oh, wait! Wait! Wait for me! I forgot to include one other thing:
Socioeconomic Classes.
Discussing this topic was definitely interesting. Our teacher had us watch some clips online from a program done through PBS about classes and how people define others in higher or lower classes. Some interviewed those in such classes. One even was titled, "How to Marry the Rich". This clip showed a woman who had made it her profession to study the rich and their etiquette, how far apart they stand when talking with each other, and even how their shoulders are positioned when standing next to one another to imply confidence in oneself.
My thoughts: ridiculous!
But, by thinking that, I realized I had just judged them...for judging another person. Smooth move, Jen. Smooth.
But, anyway...it was an interesting topic, one that I really would like to learn more about. It sadly is a part of human life, I believe. It is so easy to just simply judge another person. And what is it based off of? Appearance. Income. Home size and location. Sex. Race. Education. And.so.on. I hope I can remember this lesson and make sure to incorporate it into my life by not judging others instantly. Get to know them for who they really are, not just how much money they make or where they live.
Socioeconomic Classes.
Discussing this topic was definitely interesting. Our teacher had us watch some clips online from a program done through PBS about classes and how people define others in higher or lower classes. Some interviewed those in such classes. One even was titled, "How to Marry the Rich". This clip showed a woman who had made it her profession to study the rich and their etiquette, how far apart they stand when talking with each other, and even how their shoulders are positioned when standing next to one another to imply confidence in oneself.
My thoughts: ridiculous!
But, by thinking that, I realized I had just judged them...for judging another person. Smooth move, Jen. Smooth.
But, anyway...it was an interesting topic, one that I really would like to learn more about. It sadly is a part of human life, I believe. It is so easy to just simply judge another person. And what is it based off of? Appearance. Income. Home size and location. Sex. Race. Education. And.so.on. I hope I can remember this lesson and make sure to incorporate it into my life by not judging others instantly. Get to know them for who they really are, not just how much money they make or where they live.
rules, laws, opinions and such
The other day in class we discussed "family rules". These can be anything from how your family brings up/solves problems of importance, who does what tasks in the home, or even time spent together as a family. Every family has rules. Most are unspoken, and just seem to be 'known' by all family members.
As we talked about this subject further, we had an example given by our teacher. He shared about how his wife had opened all of his mail one day. He was completely shocked! Why would she do such a thing?! That was his mail, hence, he should be the one opening it, not her.
Well, she was just doing it because in her family, her mother was the one who opened all of the mail each day.
This wasn't found out until some contention had risen, but still...kind of funny. :o) (It also reminded me of this episode from The Dick van Dyke Show)
All of this (and more...!) comes about because each person comes from a different family, and their families will have different 'rules'. And since, like mentioned previously, they are mostly just known, not written down, they aren't discussed to each spouse so that the other understands. They just...happen. They happen through everyday actions. Maybe one spouse was taught that the husband was suppopsed to take out the garbage while the wife did the dishes. This may one day start to irritate the husband, as he starts to notice that the garbage never gets taken out. Perhaps he thinks his wife is lazy. Or maybe she is upset at him. ...when in all reality, she is just perplexed that he hasn't taken it out himself, like her father always did.
It was a fun and interesting topic. The teacher asked that we think about our own family rules and it amazed me as I quickly came to realize that my family does have our own set of 'rules'. This has caused me to be more aware of how I act now, living on my own, and how it may come across to roommates and others I am around.
Can you think of any family rules? Have you had any experiences with others where your rules and theirs clashed? Do tell!
As we talked about this subject further, we had an example given by our teacher. He shared about how his wife had opened all of his mail one day. He was completely shocked! Why would she do such a thing?! That was his mail, hence, he should be the one opening it, not her.
Well, she was just doing it because in her family, her mother was the one who opened all of the mail each day.
This wasn't found out until some contention had risen, but still...kind of funny. :o) (It also reminded me of this episode from The Dick van Dyke Show)
All of this (and more...!) comes about because each person comes from a different family, and their families will have different 'rules'. And since, like mentioned previously, they are mostly just known, not written down, they aren't discussed to each spouse so that the other understands. They just...happen. They happen through everyday actions. Maybe one spouse was taught that the husband was suppopsed to take out the garbage while the wife did the dishes. This may one day start to irritate the husband, as he starts to notice that the garbage never gets taken out. Perhaps he thinks his wife is lazy. Or maybe she is upset at him. ...when in all reality, she is just perplexed that he hasn't taken it out himself, like her father always did.
It was a fun and interesting topic. The teacher asked that we think about our own family rules and it amazed me as I quickly came to realize that my family does have our own set of 'rules'. This has caused me to be more aware of how I act now, living on my own, and how it may come across to roommates and others I am around.
Can you think of any family rules? Have you had any experiences with others where your rules and theirs clashed? Do tell!
Monday, October 3, 2011
earth life is for family life
This might be just a teeny, tiny wee bit off of topic from class...but I feel like writing it anyway.
This past weekend was General Conference. If you missed any of it, I highly suggest that you should make time to watch, listen to or read it on the LDS website.
One talk that I really enjoyed was given by Elaine S. Dalton. She started off her talk by asking this question:
How can a father raise a happy, well-adjusted daughter in today's increasingly toxic world?
And her answer was:
The most important thing a father can do for his daughter is to love her mother.
I wholeheartedly agree with this! What a beautiful topic and what a beautiful, and absolutely true answer! I know that children do learn by example, especially from that of their parents. Sister Dalton reemphasized this when she said, "She will learn from your example what to expect from young men. You can show your daughter by the way you love your wife that she should never expect less. You are showing her that she is a daughter of God who loves her."
She then went on to explain why it is of such great import that you teach your daughter by example these things:
A temple marriage is worthy of your greatest efforts and highest priority.
The temple. The temple, it's teachings, covenants and reason why we have them all point to Christ. He is the life and light of the world. The living water. The author and finisher of our faith. He can and will bring us joy if we are examples of righteousness to our children, and also if we, as children (both of our earthly parents and Heavenly parents) are obedient and righteous to our parents' teachings.
It was only after Nephi had completed the temple in the wilderness that he stated, "and we lived after the manner of happiness." The manner of happiness is found in temple; it is covenant keeping. Don't let any influence come into your life or your home that would cause you to compromise your covenants or your commitment to your wife.
I know that is not only important for a father to show and be this living example for his daughter, but for a mother to do likewise for her son. The temple is our goal, and not to simply be sealed. That is only the beginning. And where will children learn more of a better example than in the home from their own parents?
I hope that I can continue to strive and do only better to prepare to be a parent who lives by example. My children will be placed in my home and entrusted to me and my husband. What a great responsibility and calling. It definitely is one worth making all sacrifices and efforts for.
This past weekend was General Conference. If you missed any of it, I highly suggest that you should make time to watch, listen to or read it on the LDS website.
One talk that I really enjoyed was given by Elaine S. Dalton. She started off her talk by asking this question:
How can a father raise a happy, well-adjusted daughter in today's increasingly toxic world?
And her answer was:
The most important thing a father can do for his daughter is to love her mother.
I wholeheartedly agree with this! What a beautiful topic and what a beautiful, and absolutely true answer! I know that children do learn by example, especially from that of their parents. Sister Dalton reemphasized this when she said, "She will learn from your example what to expect from young men. You can show your daughter by the way you love your wife that she should never expect less. You are showing her that she is a daughter of God who loves her."
She then went on to explain why it is of such great import that you teach your daughter by example these things:
A temple marriage is worthy of your greatest efforts and highest priority.
The temple. The temple, it's teachings, covenants and reason why we have them all point to Christ. He is the life and light of the world. The living water. The author and finisher of our faith. He can and will bring us joy if we are examples of righteousness to our children, and also if we, as children (both of our earthly parents and Heavenly parents) are obedient and righteous to our parents' teachings.
It was only after Nephi had completed the temple in the wilderness that he stated, "and we lived after the manner of happiness." The manner of happiness is found in temple; it is covenant keeping. Don't let any influence come into your life or your home that would cause you to compromise your covenants or your commitment to your wife.
Salt Lake City LDS Temple
I hope that I can continue to strive and do only better to prepare to be a parent who lives by example. My children will be placed in my home and entrusted to me and my husband. What a great responsibility and calling. It definitely is one worth making all sacrifices and efforts for.
Thursday, September 29, 2011
...:::as i grow older:::...
It seems that time keeps slipping by much too quickly, and only goes by faster with each passing year. And somehow, I manage to keep on learning things, changing, growing, renewing, creating, letting go and moving on.
One thing that I continuously learn is about the real difficulties of marriage. Yes, I may be minoring in Marriage and Family Studies, but I feel as if just growing up, year by year, I come to learn more about life, and that in turns teaches me more about family life, especially that of marriage.
When I was younger I truly thought my parents did everything right and were perfect, to a degree (that's completely contradictory, but whatever). But little by little over the past several years, that way of seeing things has been corrected. I know that they are human and therefore imperfect. But I still love them, just the same. Perhaps, even more. More because I know that much more about them, and that means I know that they were trying that much more to be better for me, for our family.
It really humbles me to think about myself being a parent one day. {thank goodness gracious I'm not one yet, I don't think I'm ready for that...but then again, can you really ever be? I'm quite certain you can't. Blast!}
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that with all these realizations over the past few years, along with making my own mistakes [never fun], having to pick myself back up again, living with others and seeing little quirks they have, growing older and therefore more firm in my ways and thinkings, creating my own traditions and forming new habits...I realize through all of this how difficult marriage really will be. That does not mean that it won't or can't be great. But what it does mean is that it truly will be hard, persistant work. Consciously. Every effort, and then some. I'm quite certain that marriage will be quite a few things I thought it would be, but everything else I didn't.
With all this thinking, I try to make it my goal to live a better life, day by day, one bit at a time. Try to be more loving (even if it's just to myself), try to be more patient (...even if it's just with myself...), try to do more service for others, try to be more diligent in being obedient in all things and in all ways, trying to be more aware of those around me, trying to be more diligent in being constantly kind, considerate and faithful. I know that this will all help me when I am married one day. It will only help to fortify mine and my husband's relationship and how we will be with our children when they come. This world is seemingly on a downward spiral, with no stops along the way, and I've got to be prepared as much as I can to be amidst that awful ride, so much so that I can't even feel the twists and turns sprung about every moment.
Here's to preparing...!
One thing that I continuously learn is about the real difficulties of marriage. Yes, I may be minoring in Marriage and Family Studies, but I feel as if just growing up, year by year, I come to learn more about life, and that in turns teaches me more about family life, especially that of marriage.
When I was younger I truly thought my parents did everything right and were perfect, to a degree (that's completely contradictory, but whatever). But little by little over the past several years, that way of seeing things has been corrected. I know that they are human and therefore imperfect. But I still love them, just the same. Perhaps, even more. More because I know that much more about them, and that means I know that they were trying that much more to be better for me, for our family.
It really humbles me to think about myself being a parent one day. {thank goodness gracious I'm not one yet, I don't think I'm ready for that...but then again, can you really ever be? I'm quite certain you can't. Blast!}
Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that with all these realizations over the past few years, along with making my own mistakes [never fun], having to pick myself back up again, living with others and seeing little quirks they have, growing older and therefore more firm in my ways and thinkings, creating my own traditions and forming new habits...I realize through all of this how difficult marriage really will be. That does not mean that it won't or can't be great. But what it does mean is that it truly will be hard, persistant work. Consciously. Every effort, and then some. I'm quite certain that marriage will be quite a few things I thought it would be, but everything else I didn't.
With all this thinking, I try to make it my goal to live a better life, day by day, one bit at a time. Try to be more loving (even if it's just to myself), try to be more patient (...even if it's just with myself...), try to do more service for others, try to be more diligent in being obedient in all things and in all ways, trying to be more aware of those around me, trying to be more diligent in being constantly kind, considerate and faithful. I know that this will all help me when I am married one day. It will only help to fortify mine and my husband's relationship and how we will be with our children when they come. This world is seemingly on a downward spiral, with no stops along the way, and I've got to be prepared as much as I can to be amidst that awful ride, so much so that I can't even feel the twists and turns sprung about every moment.
Here's to preparing...!
Monday, September 26, 2011
research and re-thinking
Last week my professor had us research information of our own choice regarding the family. He also had us look for BAD research. How fun is that?! Google was my best friend.
But that's besides the point.
The point is really about how skewed things are these days. That's what I kept thinking about as I was looking up scholarly journals amid crummy, bad personal 'knowledge' that was presented as fact.
There were a couple websites I found that had "Doctors" writing the posts and whatnot, but yet there was no place to view their CV. Nothing. No accreditation to anybody or anything. Screamed phony to me. If you have a personal view, put it out there as such. It made me sad to see one website hosting a link to Your Own Divorce Papers - Easy! Fast! Quick! Finish in 1 Hour! Why does everything have to be so accessible these days? So easy to accomplish...when to me a divorce (for the most part) shouldn't be counted as an accomplishment. [I definitely know that there are very serious reasons for someone to get a divorce, but I believe that most divorces are not for those reasons] I just didn't like finding things on websites that constantly made it seem like a family is a problem. Or that it creates problems (well, duh! we're human. and trying to live with other humans...NOT easy). And when those problems come up, it was quick to note that they were not your problem, but caused by someone else.
What about needing people, and loving people? I know it probably sounds cliche and naive, but still: why can't we all be a bit more loving, patient and understanding? Even if that understanding means that we just accept to understand that we don't understand why another person does something, or doesn't, and still love them and try to work things out?
All I can say after that is that I am so very grateful for the Gospel and the knowledge that I have and the beliefs that I have, as well. I'm so grateful and feel very blessed to know that we can be sealed to our families for all time and eternity. It definitely gives me more reason to try a little bit harder to be a little bit more humble and willing to be patient and understanding of my family. We all have weaknesses, but let's try not to make one of them being able to love our family unconditionally.
But that's besides the point.
The point is really about how skewed things are these days. That's what I kept thinking about as I was looking up scholarly journals amid crummy, bad personal 'knowledge' that was presented as fact.
There were a couple websites I found that had "Doctors" writing the posts and whatnot, but yet there was no place to view their CV. Nothing. No accreditation to anybody or anything. Screamed phony to me. If you have a personal view, put it out there as such. It made me sad to see one website hosting a link to Your Own Divorce Papers - Easy! Fast! Quick! Finish in 1 Hour! Why does everything have to be so accessible these days? So easy to accomplish...when to me a divorce (for the most part) shouldn't be counted as an accomplishment. [I definitely know that there are very serious reasons for someone to get a divorce, but I believe that most divorces are not for those reasons] I just didn't like finding things on websites that constantly made it seem like a family is a problem. Or that it creates problems (well, duh! we're human. and trying to live with other humans...NOT easy). And when those problems come up, it was quick to note that they were not your problem, but caused by someone else.
What about needing people, and loving people? I know it probably sounds cliche and naive, but still: why can't we all be a bit more loving, patient and understanding? Even if that understanding means that we just accept to understand that we don't understand why another person does something, or doesn't, and still love them and try to work things out?
All I can say after that is that I am so very grateful for the Gospel and the knowledge that I have and the beliefs that I have, as well. I'm so grateful and feel very blessed to know that we can be sealed to our families for all time and eternity. It definitely gives me more reason to try a little bit harder to be a little bit more humble and willing to be patient and understanding of my family. We all have weaknesses, but let's try not to make one of them being able to love our family unconditionally.
Tuesday, September 13, 2011
ma famille
ma famille
French for "my family".
Hmm...let's see, where to start..
Father: BYU football fan(atic). Born and raised in Las Vegas. High School Government teacher. Retired. I'm quite sure it would be right to say he loves ice cream. Favorite colors: blue, white and tan....'cougar' colors...
Mother: Could care less for BYU football...! Born and raised in Aneheim, California and went to Disneyland and the beach quite often while growing up. Sang in choirs and even toured with her high school choir to England! Homemaker. Baker of cinnamon rolls and caramel popcorn that are just a step below Heaven. Sews. Plays piano. Loves being a grandma.
Brother No. 1 (Devin): Born in Utah, raised in Utah for a few years, then Las Vegas. Insurance Broker. Super smart, extremely dedicated. Always finishes what he starts. Lover of BYU Football, duh. Father to one adorable little girl, and therefore husband to one awesome, spunky lady.
Sister-in-Law No. 1 (Amber): Born in Arizona, raised in Arizona for most of her life, then Las Vegas. Dancer. Mother to one sweetie pie of a girlie. Spunky. Sassy. Talented. Speaks her mind and makes us laugh. Wife to my brother - perfect for him.
Brother No. 2 (Michael): Born in Utah, then later raised in Las Vegas. High School Math teacher. Loves fireworks. Loves working out and staying fit. Loves to tease his sister. Owner of fish. Planted a garden. Husband to a sweet, fun-loving girl. Father to a cutie little baby boy. Yet another, lover of BYU football...duh.
Sister-in-Law No. 2 (Monta): Born in Texas, raised in Texas, then Hawai'i. Currently learning medical transcription. Lover of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Mother to a handsome little baby boy. Owner of fish. Loves to work out, stay fit. Super kind and sweet.
Me (Jenny): Born and raised in Las Vegas. Current resident of Utah. College student in Idaho. Lover of baked goods. Lover of baking goods. Lover of photography, reading, writing, talking, piano playing, and card-making. Sister and daughter to a great family. Aunt to 2 fun little kiddos. Lover of learning. Lover of snow, rain and listening to music; preferably at the same time.
This is only a brief overview of my family. There are obviously numerous other things that could be mentioned, told or shared here, but for now, I will leave that all for another time when it feels more fitting.
French for "my family".
Hmm...let's see, where to start..
Father: BYU football fan(atic). Born and raised in Las Vegas. High School Government teacher. Retired. I'm quite sure it would be right to say he loves ice cream. Favorite colors: blue, white and tan....'cougar' colors...
Mother: Could care less for BYU football...! Born and raised in Aneheim, California and went to Disneyland and the beach quite often while growing up. Sang in choirs and even toured with her high school choir to England! Homemaker. Baker of cinnamon rolls and caramel popcorn that are just a step below Heaven. Sews. Plays piano. Loves being a grandma.
Brother No. 1 (Devin): Born in Utah, raised in Utah for a few years, then Las Vegas. Insurance Broker. Super smart, extremely dedicated. Always finishes what he starts. Lover of BYU Football, duh. Father to one adorable little girl, and therefore husband to one awesome, spunky lady.
Sister-in-Law No. 1 (Amber): Born in Arizona, raised in Arizona for most of her life, then Las Vegas. Dancer. Mother to one sweetie pie of a girlie. Spunky. Sassy. Talented. Speaks her mind and makes us laugh. Wife to my brother - perfect for him.
Brother No. 2 (Michael): Born in Utah, then later raised in Las Vegas. High School Math teacher. Loves fireworks. Loves working out and staying fit. Loves to tease his sister. Owner of fish. Planted a garden. Husband to a sweet, fun-loving girl. Father to a cutie little baby boy. Yet another, lover of BYU football...duh.
Sister-in-Law No. 2 (Monta): Born in Texas, raised in Texas, then Hawai'i. Currently learning medical transcription. Lover of Krispy Kreme doughnuts. Mother to a handsome little baby boy. Owner of fish. Loves to work out, stay fit. Super kind and sweet.
Me (Jenny): Born and raised in Las Vegas. Current resident of Utah. College student in Idaho. Lover of baked goods. Lover of baking goods. Lover of photography, reading, writing, talking, piano playing, and card-making. Sister and daughter to a great family. Aunt to 2 fun little kiddos. Lover of learning. Lover of snow, rain and listening to music; preferably at the same time.
This is only a brief overview of my family. There are obviously numerous other things that could be mentioned, told or shared here, but for now, I will leave that all for another time when it feels more fitting.
Monday, September 12, 2011
an explanation/a summary/an overview - call it whatever you may
Hello dear readers.
May I introduce myself? The name is C.J. Not really, but I never had a nick name growing up; nick names never 'stuck' with me, or seemed to work. Until last year, when I lived in Utah with an awesome roommate who decided to call me by my last name first, comma, my first name {Cooper, comma [she would say the comma] Jenny}. It was a joke, of sorts...but it stuck. Nobody else calls me it, and I actually am not sure how I'd feel if they even dared. So, just for reference on this here blog, you can refer to me as C.J. Or my real name if you'd like to be fancy schmancy.
Well, so down to the explanation part: This here blog is for a university class, Family Relations. My professor asked that we start a blog and keep it updated by posting weekly. I am planning on doing so and hope that even though my mindless thoughts, writings and ramblings will be sometimes quirky, and sometimes serious, that you find at least something entertaining or of value. Please feel free to share comments, thoughts, ideas, etc.
To learn an overview of what I believe about the family, read on. . .
May I introduce myself? The name is C.J. Not really, but I never had a nick name growing up; nick names never 'stuck' with me, or seemed to work. Until last year, when I lived in Utah with an awesome roommate who decided to call me by my last name first, comma, my first name {Cooper, comma [she would say the comma] Jenny}. It was a joke, of sorts...but it stuck. Nobody else calls me it, and I actually am not sure how I'd feel if they even dared. So, just for reference on this here blog, you can refer to me as C.J. Or my real name if you'd like to be fancy schmancy.
Well, so down to the explanation part: This here blog is for a university class, Family Relations. My professor asked that we start a blog and keep it updated by posting weekly. I am planning on doing so and hope that even though my mindless thoughts, writings and ramblings will be sometimes quirky, and sometimes serious, that you find at least something entertaining or of value. Please feel free to share comments, thoughts, ideas, etc.
To learn an overview of what I believe about the family, read on. . .
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