Last week Brother Williams had his wife come in so that they could both speak with us about remarriage and blending families. I am so grateful she was willing to do that. I love that Brother Williams could have personal experience with this so that he could really teach us from knowledge, not just a textbook. Although I am quite positive it was not an easy thing to transition to for them, they truly seem to be on the furthest side of the 'positive' end of the scale. Theirs was truly a great example to see in action.
We started mapping out families a couple days before Sister Williams came to class. We started talking about all invovled when a divorce happens and how others might be shut out, or be too close, feel unwanted, feel torn, etc...it pretty much was a big mess of scribbles on the board by the end. One girl said out loud, "My head hurts." We all laughed in class. But then Brother Williams said over us laughing, "My heart hurts." I remember feeling very solemn inside when he said that. It literally was like I felt a weight come over me when he said those words. It was very powerful. I knew that he personally understood some of the difficulties of what he was teaching and so it was very humbling to listen to him so tenderly and sincerely say, "My heart hurts."
I hope that I can do my very best to not only better myself, but also in remembering to lift those in my family and support everyone, no matter if I am married once or twice, have children, step children or adopted children. I want my family to be close and always know that I love them. And I surely hope that I am never the reason behind the hurt in anyone's heart.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
parenting...
Last semester I took a parenting class taught by Brother Williams and love it! I know that I only learned a small portion, especially considering that I am not even married and therefore do not have any children, but I loved learning about it, nonetheless. I was exciting for this portion of the class and loved revisiting the topics covered in parenting.
One thing that I liked from the very beginning when I learned about parenting is the suggestion that you should discuss consequences with your children - have them help you come up with ideas. Also, remember to keep consequences connected and relative to the situation. I really do believe that this helps children learn, grown and understand life so much better. I think it helps them understand people and feelings, too.
Another thing that I really appreciate is the teaching of being respectful to your children. I know that so many people who are parents can be so disrespectful to their children in so many ways. From people I've known and things I've learned, things never turn out positively when this is the case. Children are human beings, and we all were children once - I believe every child deserves to be respected. I know that at times it could be hard to keep my temper down or to not blow up when something goes wrong from a choice my child makes, but I know in the end that that quick snap to a negative behavior on my part will most likely result in a negative reaction or behavior on their part. I believe that so much can be changed, in a positive or negative way, based upon your reaction to situations, and as a parent, this can be such an influence for good if intentially done consistantly.
One thing that I liked from the very beginning when I learned about parenting is the suggestion that you should discuss consequences with your children - have them help you come up with ideas. Also, remember to keep consequences connected and relative to the situation. I really do believe that this helps children learn, grown and understand life so much better. I think it helps them understand people and feelings, too.
Another thing that I really appreciate is the teaching of being respectful to your children. I know that so many people who are parents can be so disrespectful to their children in so many ways. From people I've known and things I've learned, things never turn out positively when this is the case. Children are human beings, and we all were children once - I believe every child deserves to be respected. I know that at times it could be hard to keep my temper down or to not blow up when something goes wrong from a choice my child makes, but I know in the end that that quick snap to a negative behavior on my part will most likely result in a negative reaction or behavior on their part. I believe that so much can be changed, in a positive or negative way, based upon your reaction to situations, and as a parent, this can be such an influence for good if intentially done consistantly.
Fathers and Future
Later in class we started to discuss father involvement and how it affects children in the present and also, in their futures. We were assigned to write a paper on research we found and also personal experiences, as well as personal goals for our own family of creation.
I was a bit overwhelmed with the research that I found related to this subject. I felt I had gone in assuming and expecting certain things and, although I found them, I was surprised at other information that I learned about from studies and other reports done regarding father involvement.
I learned that at times fathers can have more of an impact and influence on a child than a mother can. This was not what I was expecting to read, but as I kept on reading I came to see and understand more and more how this could be true. I have known some people who have not had relationships with their fathers whatsoever and they have shared with me the difficulty it has helped to create in their lives.
After studying about this topic and writing a paper, as well, I came to feel very strongly about father involvement. It wasn't so much that I had never felt strongly about it before, but this time it was even more. I really do want to make sure that I support my husband and love him so that our children can see that we work together. I also want to support and encourage him to get to know each of our children individually so that they can have that great, close relationship with him, and he with them. I know that being able to rely on your father is such a great blessing and influence in your life.
I was a bit overwhelmed with the research that I found related to this subject. I felt I had gone in assuming and expecting certain things and, although I found them, I was surprised at other information that I learned about from studies and other reports done regarding father involvement.
I learned that at times fathers can have more of an impact and influence on a child than a mother can. This was not what I was expecting to read, but as I kept on reading I came to see and understand more and more how this could be true. I have known some people who have not had relationships with their fathers whatsoever and they have shared with me the difficulty it has helped to create in their lives.
After studying about this topic and writing a paper, as well, I came to feel very strongly about father involvement. It wasn't so much that I had never felt strongly about it before, but this time it was even more. I really do want to make sure that I support my husband and love him so that our children can see that we work together. I also want to support and encourage him to get to know each of our children individually so that they can have that great, close relationship with him, and he with them. I know that being able to rely on your father is such a great blessing and influence in your life.
well howdy
From the looks of this blog and the date on the last post...it sure does look like I took a vacation. But I'm finally back and ready to tackle all of the things we covered in class since then.
I remember we discussed counseling in class one week and that really interested me. We even started talking about how the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles counsel weekly and how that process goes about. They all have a chance to share their thoughts, feelings and insights. I thought about this for a couple days and realized how truly inspired that process is; to go around and each have an opportunity to speak and share. One doesn't necessarily rule over another, or all others, but they wait until they all have confirmed to them the will of God. It is a calm time, not one where people are yelling, pounding their fists on the table or name-calling.
And then I started thinking: how amazing would that be to be able to discuss things within a family in a similar fashion? How much more could be communicated and understood? How much would it assist in bringing a family closer together if they met weekly and not only met when disagreements or confusions arose, or when a trip was coming up, but regularly, often. How would it be to discuss things going on in each child's life and what they would like to do as a family, or how the family could help one individual in the family, or even someone outside of the family? As I continued thinking I could feel that what we were learning about was important and therefore something that I truly want to incorporate into my own family one day.
I remember we discussed counseling in class one week and that really interested me. We even started talking about how the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles counsel weekly and how that process goes about. They all have a chance to share their thoughts, feelings and insights. I thought about this for a couple days and realized how truly inspired that process is; to go around and each have an opportunity to speak and share. One doesn't necessarily rule over another, or all others, but they wait until they all have confirmed to them the will of God. It is a calm time, not one where people are yelling, pounding their fists on the table or name-calling.
And then I started thinking: how amazing would that be to be able to discuss things within a family in a similar fashion? How much more could be communicated and understood? How much would it assist in bringing a family closer together if they met weekly and not only met when disagreements or confusions arose, or when a trip was coming up, but regularly, often. How would it be to discuss things going on in each child's life and what they would like to do as a family, or how the family could help one individual in the family, or even someone outside of the family? As I continued thinking I could feel that what we were learning about was important and therefore something that I truly want to incorporate into my own family one day.
Friday, November 11, 2011
family and crises
This past week we have been discussing families and crises; how they define them, cope with them, and ultimately how they let them be effected by them.
After all of our discussions and all the reading, I feel like I have personally come to understand how the Atonement also heals. It can bring that true healing that can come only through the Spirit. The Savior had to endure those pains and afflictions so that He would know how to succor His people (Alma 7:12).
I believe that to be healed we have to choose. We have to choose to look at things differently and have full faith and trust that through the Atonement we can be healed. It may not come all at once or quickly, but with faith and patience, it will come.
Talking about all of this made me think of others who suffer without the knowledge of the healing ability the Atonement provides. What about them? How do they cope and manage and hopefully, grow?
We read several accounts, talked about different experiences that we ourselves have had, as well as read about statistics regarding family crises. It really made me aware of how many people do not cope with crises well or positively. This thought really hit me hard thinking of all the sadness those people must endure because of their lack of knowledge and resources on how to manage the stress from the event well.
Once again, for me, this reaffirmed that the family is central to the Lord's plan - it is for our happiness. We need families, we need traditions, we need closeness to each other, we need communication, we need respect, we need each other. I know that life comes with difficult times and trials, but with family, we can overcome these times and feel grateful for them, even, if we allow ourselves to use the Atonement and make sure that we are constantly striving to bring our families closer by doing all that we can in our power to conduct our families in the ways that the Lord has revealed. By doing so, I know that we will not only be brought closer to one another, but the Heavenly Father and His Son.
After all of our discussions and all the reading, I feel like I have personally come to understand how the Atonement also heals. It can bring that true healing that can come only through the Spirit. The Savior had to endure those pains and afflictions so that He would know how to succor His people (Alma 7:12).
I believe that to be healed we have to choose. We have to choose to look at things differently and have full faith and trust that through the Atonement we can be healed. It may not come all at once or quickly, but with faith and patience, it will come.
Talking about all of this made me think of others who suffer without the knowledge of the healing ability the Atonement provides. What about them? How do they cope and manage and hopefully, grow?
We read several accounts, talked about different experiences that we ourselves have had, as well as read about statistics regarding family crises. It really made me aware of how many people do not cope with crises well or positively. This thought really hit me hard thinking of all the sadness those people must endure because of their lack of knowledge and resources on how to manage the stress from the event well.
Once again, for me, this reaffirmed that the family is central to the Lord's plan - it is for our happiness. We need families, we need traditions, we need closeness to each other, we need communication, we need respect, we need each other. I know that life comes with difficult times and trials, but with family, we can overcome these times and feel grateful for them, even, if we allow ourselves to use the Atonement and make sure that we are constantly striving to bring our families closer by doing all that we can in our power to conduct our families in the ways that the Lord has revealed. By doing so, I know that we will not only be brought closer to one another, but the Heavenly Father and His Son.
Friday, November 4, 2011
the talk...ya, that one.
This week in class we have been discussing sexual intimacy. I actually really quite enjoy having these types of discussions here at BYU-Idaho because it is always done witht the Spirit, and therefore with reverency, sacredness and respect.
One thing that always gets me thinking is when we talk about children learning and understanding sexual intimacy and relations. Our teacher had us write down what we would like our children to know specifically at certain ages throughout their lifetime regarding this topic. It was a bit difficult, I have to admit, to think of what exactly I would teach a 4 year old, 7 year old, 10, 13, 16, and 19 year old, but all in all, I think it was a really great idea to have us do this and I actually want to really come up with a more solid idea over the next little while.
My teacher brought up to the class the different issues being raised in other states about informing and teaching children about sex and topics within that - some (er...most ) that I find to be completely outrageous and unnecessary. This definitely made me stop and think about homeschooling my own children that I will have one day. I have thought about this before, but the more and more I learn about what people are trying to pass to be taught in school (hmm, I don't believe 'taught' is the right word...to me teaching implies edifying and uplifting...not degrading and disrespecting not only others, but oneself...), the more I learn towards homeschooling my children for part of their lives.
Why is it that these things are being passed by, let alone being brought up? I get that the world is slowing degrading and demoralizing itself, but at this rate...
All of this and more truly makes me realize even to a greater extent that the family truly is an important factor in life. It is a unit that is needed, desired, yet being wasted, if not already forgotten. I always feel more of an intensifying desire and fire inside me to make sure I'm steadily and surely grounded in a strong foundation when discussing and researching statistics in the world at this time.
My wrap-up-thoughts:
Just because children can be taught certain things and seem to understand them does not mean that they should be. This can be directed towards peers, leaders, teachers and parents, alike.
One thing that always gets me thinking is when we talk about children learning and understanding sexual intimacy and relations. Our teacher had us write down what we would like our children to know specifically at certain ages throughout their lifetime regarding this topic. It was a bit difficult, I have to admit, to think of what exactly I would teach a 4 year old, 7 year old, 10, 13, 16, and 19 year old, but all in all, I think it was a really great idea to have us do this and I actually want to really come up with a more solid idea over the next little while.
My teacher brought up to the class the different issues being raised in other states about informing and teaching children about sex and topics within that - some (er...most ) that I find to be completely outrageous and unnecessary. This definitely made me stop and think about homeschooling my own children that I will have one day. I have thought about this before, but the more and more I learn about what people are trying to pass to be taught in school (hmm, I don't believe 'taught' is the right word...to me teaching implies edifying and uplifting...not degrading and disrespecting not only others, but oneself...), the more I learn towards homeschooling my children for part of their lives.
Why is it that these things are being passed by, let alone being brought up? I get that the world is slowing degrading and demoralizing itself, but at this rate...
All of this and more truly makes me realize even to a greater extent that the family truly is an important factor in life. It is a unit that is needed, desired, yet being wasted, if not already forgotten. I always feel more of an intensifying desire and fire inside me to make sure I'm steadily and surely grounded in a strong foundation when discussing and researching statistics in the world at this time.
My wrap-up-thoughts:
Just because children can be taught certain things and seem to understand them does not mean that they should be. This can be directed towards peers, leaders, teachers and parents, alike.
Sunday, October 30, 2011
important 1st lessons for newlyweds
The other day in class we discussed important things to learn about and be aware of when you are newly married. One thing that my professor brought up that really struck a chord with me was about how you and your new spouse would go about solving problems and dealing with disagreements. He brought up the following scriptures:
Ephesians 6:12
"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."
D&C 121:43
"Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;
"That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death."
I loved both of these scriptures. My teacher talked about the one in Ephesians and how it can be directed towards couples; we are literally engaged in a war against the evil things of this world brought on by the Adversary. We should not work against one another, but work together to fight and ultimately conquer this force for evil. I think that this is a great reminder of what we are really here to accomplish and prove to ourselves and our Heavenly Father.
The scripture in D&C was great as well. My teacher discussed it in length. He said that betimes means 'seasonally', not often. Also, the word sharpness has been talked about by Elder Groberg to mean "with strategic precision". I loved that! It doesn't mean sharpness of tongue and attitude or words. No, it means with exactness. Not overstepping any bounds and having your corrective measures leak over into other parts of that person's life.
I think that these things had a great impact on me not only because I definitely could improve on them and make sure to really see that I speak kindly to others at all times, never allowing a negative thought to come to my mind or be shared with others, but to always speak in an uplifting way of all. I also know that I was prompted to make this a lifelong goal of mine so that I can never hurt someone else. I know that learning to create this habit now will help me to become this way and be this type of person throughout my life.
Ephesians 6:12
"For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places."
D&C 121:43
"Reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him whom thou hast reproved, lest he esteem thee to be his enemy;
"That he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death."
I loved both of these scriptures. My teacher talked about the one in Ephesians and how it can be directed towards couples; we are literally engaged in a war against the evil things of this world brought on by the Adversary. We should not work against one another, but work together to fight and ultimately conquer this force for evil. I think that this is a great reminder of what we are really here to accomplish and prove to ourselves and our Heavenly Father.
The scripture in D&C was great as well. My teacher discussed it in length. He said that betimes means 'seasonally', not often. Also, the word sharpness has been talked about by Elder Groberg to mean "with strategic precision". I loved that! It doesn't mean sharpness of tongue and attitude or words. No, it means with exactness. Not overstepping any bounds and having your corrective measures leak over into other parts of that person's life.
I think that these things had a great impact on me not only because I definitely could improve on them and make sure to really see that I speak kindly to others at all times, never allowing a negative thought to come to my mind or be shared with others, but to always speak in an uplifting way of all. I also know that I was prompted to make this a lifelong goal of mine so that I can never hurt someone else. I know that learning to create this habit now will help me to become this way and be this type of person throughout my life.
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