Last week Brother Williams had his wife come in so that they could both speak with us about remarriage and blending families. I am so grateful she was willing to do that. I love that Brother Williams could have personal experience with this so that he could really teach us from knowledge, not just a textbook. Although I am quite positive it was not an easy thing to transition to for them, they truly seem to be on the furthest side of the 'positive' end of the scale. Theirs was truly a great example to see in action.
We started mapping out families a couple days before Sister Williams came to class. We started talking about all invovled when a divorce happens and how others might be shut out, or be too close, feel unwanted, feel torn, etc...it pretty much was a big mess of scribbles on the board by the end. One girl said out loud, "My head hurts." We all laughed in class. But then Brother Williams said over us laughing, "My heart hurts." I remember feeling very solemn inside when he said that. It literally was like I felt a weight come over me when he said those words. It was very powerful. I knew that he personally understood some of the difficulties of what he was teaching and so it was very humbling to listen to him so tenderly and sincerely say, "My heart hurts."
I hope that I can do my very best to not only better myself, but also in remembering to lift those in my family and support everyone, no matter if I am married once or twice, have children, step children or adopted children. I want my family to be close and always know that I love them. And I surely hope that I am never the reason behind the hurt in anyone's heart.
Tuesday, December 13, 2011
parenting...
Last semester I took a parenting class taught by Brother Williams and love it! I know that I only learned a small portion, especially considering that I am not even married and therefore do not have any children, but I loved learning about it, nonetheless. I was exciting for this portion of the class and loved revisiting the topics covered in parenting.
One thing that I liked from the very beginning when I learned about parenting is the suggestion that you should discuss consequences with your children - have them help you come up with ideas. Also, remember to keep consequences connected and relative to the situation. I really do believe that this helps children learn, grown and understand life so much better. I think it helps them understand people and feelings, too.
Another thing that I really appreciate is the teaching of being respectful to your children. I know that so many people who are parents can be so disrespectful to their children in so many ways. From people I've known and things I've learned, things never turn out positively when this is the case. Children are human beings, and we all were children once - I believe every child deserves to be respected. I know that at times it could be hard to keep my temper down or to not blow up when something goes wrong from a choice my child makes, but I know in the end that that quick snap to a negative behavior on my part will most likely result in a negative reaction or behavior on their part. I believe that so much can be changed, in a positive or negative way, based upon your reaction to situations, and as a parent, this can be such an influence for good if intentially done consistantly.
One thing that I liked from the very beginning when I learned about parenting is the suggestion that you should discuss consequences with your children - have them help you come up with ideas. Also, remember to keep consequences connected and relative to the situation. I really do believe that this helps children learn, grown and understand life so much better. I think it helps them understand people and feelings, too.
Another thing that I really appreciate is the teaching of being respectful to your children. I know that so many people who are parents can be so disrespectful to their children in so many ways. From people I've known and things I've learned, things never turn out positively when this is the case. Children are human beings, and we all were children once - I believe every child deserves to be respected. I know that at times it could be hard to keep my temper down or to not blow up when something goes wrong from a choice my child makes, but I know in the end that that quick snap to a negative behavior on my part will most likely result in a negative reaction or behavior on their part. I believe that so much can be changed, in a positive or negative way, based upon your reaction to situations, and as a parent, this can be such an influence for good if intentially done consistantly.
Fathers and Future
Later in class we started to discuss father involvement and how it affects children in the present and also, in their futures. We were assigned to write a paper on research we found and also personal experiences, as well as personal goals for our own family of creation.
I was a bit overwhelmed with the research that I found related to this subject. I felt I had gone in assuming and expecting certain things and, although I found them, I was surprised at other information that I learned about from studies and other reports done regarding father involvement.
I learned that at times fathers can have more of an impact and influence on a child than a mother can. This was not what I was expecting to read, but as I kept on reading I came to see and understand more and more how this could be true. I have known some people who have not had relationships with their fathers whatsoever and they have shared with me the difficulty it has helped to create in their lives.
After studying about this topic and writing a paper, as well, I came to feel very strongly about father involvement. It wasn't so much that I had never felt strongly about it before, but this time it was even more. I really do want to make sure that I support my husband and love him so that our children can see that we work together. I also want to support and encourage him to get to know each of our children individually so that they can have that great, close relationship with him, and he with them. I know that being able to rely on your father is such a great blessing and influence in your life.
I was a bit overwhelmed with the research that I found related to this subject. I felt I had gone in assuming and expecting certain things and, although I found them, I was surprised at other information that I learned about from studies and other reports done regarding father involvement.
I learned that at times fathers can have more of an impact and influence on a child than a mother can. This was not what I was expecting to read, but as I kept on reading I came to see and understand more and more how this could be true. I have known some people who have not had relationships with their fathers whatsoever and they have shared with me the difficulty it has helped to create in their lives.
After studying about this topic and writing a paper, as well, I came to feel very strongly about father involvement. It wasn't so much that I had never felt strongly about it before, but this time it was even more. I really do want to make sure that I support my husband and love him so that our children can see that we work together. I also want to support and encourage him to get to know each of our children individually so that they can have that great, close relationship with him, and he with them. I know that being able to rely on your father is such a great blessing and influence in your life.
well howdy
From the looks of this blog and the date on the last post...it sure does look like I took a vacation. But I'm finally back and ready to tackle all of the things we covered in class since then.
I remember we discussed counseling in class one week and that really interested me. We even started talking about how the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles counsel weekly and how that process goes about. They all have a chance to share their thoughts, feelings and insights. I thought about this for a couple days and realized how truly inspired that process is; to go around and each have an opportunity to speak and share. One doesn't necessarily rule over another, or all others, but they wait until they all have confirmed to them the will of God. It is a calm time, not one where people are yelling, pounding their fists on the table or name-calling.
And then I started thinking: how amazing would that be to be able to discuss things within a family in a similar fashion? How much more could be communicated and understood? How much would it assist in bringing a family closer together if they met weekly and not only met when disagreements or confusions arose, or when a trip was coming up, but regularly, often. How would it be to discuss things going on in each child's life and what they would like to do as a family, or how the family could help one individual in the family, or even someone outside of the family? As I continued thinking I could feel that what we were learning about was important and therefore something that I truly want to incorporate into my own family one day.
I remember we discussed counseling in class one week and that really interested me. We even started talking about how the First Presidency and Quorum of the Twelve Apostles counsel weekly and how that process goes about. They all have a chance to share their thoughts, feelings and insights. I thought about this for a couple days and realized how truly inspired that process is; to go around and each have an opportunity to speak and share. One doesn't necessarily rule over another, or all others, but they wait until they all have confirmed to them the will of God. It is a calm time, not one where people are yelling, pounding their fists on the table or name-calling.
And then I started thinking: how amazing would that be to be able to discuss things within a family in a similar fashion? How much more could be communicated and understood? How much would it assist in bringing a family closer together if they met weekly and not only met when disagreements or confusions arose, or when a trip was coming up, but regularly, often. How would it be to discuss things going on in each child's life and what they would like to do as a family, or how the family could help one individual in the family, or even someone outside of the family? As I continued thinking I could feel that what we were learning about was important and therefore something that I truly want to incorporate into my own family one day.
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